When the presence of a person depletes you| boundaries

„Sometimes I don’t see people for who they really are“ was my friend’s answer to why some people’s presence drain  you.  She told me that sometimes she forgets, that this person is paying a lot of attention to fun and appearance. It is not just the person who listens and sometimes understands, it is also the person who could easily neglect your friendship if they’re around other people. It is not the honesty where you ARE it is the kind of honesty where you’re still pretending to BE.

That’s sometimes why you feel so depleted after spending some time with certain friends… you forgot to set the boundaries which are necessairy for this friendship because you forgot that you can’t entrust them with your honest self. You need to be careful with your heart even if you like this person and maybe sometimes feel like they is a place for depth. They are not able to hold your thoughts, at least not yet.

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Dear Heart,

don’t give into talking about things you don’t wanna talk about. You don’t need to please people who wanna be your friends. Maybe you could take a step back and revaluate this friendship and reestablish some boundaries. Maybe this is just someone you can hangout with and that’s it for now.

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New beginnings| anxiety

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New beginnings are hard. They are just as frightening as they exite. The reason why I didn’t feel like writing or blogging this last month is because I traveled back to europe and moved to one of the biggest cities there. I was so overwhelmed these last couple of days that I felt like I would never be able to be myself again (Jour 1 was not amour numéro 1 Louanne…it was hell!!!).

Actually I do like big cities. I love the diversity, countless strangers, shops, bars, coffee shops and activities… I just feel like big cities can swallow you up and spit you out in the blink of an eye … There is anonymity but therefore individuality suffers.. there is diversity and on the other hand people are struggeling to find their place…

Do you know this feeling of constantly being pushed into doing something and being busy and you start to push and break yourself as a result…. trying to live up to the standard and expectations of other people?… This is basically the situation right now. I had no grace left for myself…. basically 24/7 stress-self-destructive-mindset.

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I feel like I need to wind down and I’m in deep need for peace right know… There is too much noise  outside, inside. On the bright side: Someone else told me to slow down. Which is rare and surprised me to say the least… and I am the proud owner of some brand new unicorn slippers (I am obsessed!).

It is strange to share my thoughts on the internet… but honestly, I do not want to write exclusively about results and solutions my heart experienced…. Sometimes I am in need to share a little more process and chaos…

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Moving without friends is a hard thing to do. It is as if the universe is unignoribly confronting you with yourself. No safety, no directions, no comforting friends… nothing but your naked soul.  That’s where I realized that I am completely and utterly lost ….

 

Maybe we are in need to feel a little lost for the rest of our lives…..

Maybe feeling secure and in control of everything is a dangerous comforting Illusion…. Bill Johnson said something like: Where there is no mystery, there is no need to trust, no need to believe…

It sounds like …being at peace with not knowing what comes next.

“I abandon my addiction for the certainty of life and my need to know everything” 

 

Hope you guys had a lovely week. Next post will probably be beauty related since I went shopping this week  hehe  -which btw explains the unicorn slippers.

Love Mel