I dont like seeing myself being needy|random thoughts

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„Being needy equals being  worthless“. That’s what my thoughts bouldly proclaim. Fully convinced that I would never be that person, I distanced myself from everything that could possibly show my weakness. I don’t mean weakness as in crying or feeling sad or not being able to function.  I mean the kind of weakness where my wounds are bleeding. Where I accuse people and hold on too tight because I fear being alone. I rarely allow myself to loose control but it happens.

I mean being clingy. Wanting a friend so bad that I am willing to ignore that the other person is maybe not as interested in this relationship as I am.

Being that person who depends on someone elses love and care…. I never thought I would do that…. At least I would have never admited it.

We all despise the idea of being needy. We are independent and strong. We don’t need anyone but ourselves ….right?

But …why? What’s wrong with wanting to be loved…? Am I not human like others?  What I mean is….We should not feel ashamed of this need for love. It’s completely normal for a human being to seek unconditional love. We are made for love.
Sometimes we are just searching in the wrong places… in people… attention…approval or likes….  but there’s nothing wrong with feeling needy. I guess it’s just humiliating if we see ourselves showing off this insecure part of ours.

Because we know most people can’t handle weakness. Being needy is seen as unattractive….we would rather show everybody how dettached we are…oh how independent and strong.

I am speaking of myself here… I am immediately turned off by a guy who is getting clingy…. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that it’s healthy to depend on a person’s love. It’s just the way we react to that.

Maybe you are the only person this guy is opening up to …and we need to be careful in handling a delicate heart….

With careful, wise words  and a gentle spirit. It’s okay sometimes to be a clingy mess….It reveals our fears and hidden lies. Buried so deep in our hearts that only someone who’s dear to our soul can unveil them. Even when they are not the solution to the problem.

Do you guys know this feeling? Do you have this one person in your life who turns you into a beautiful needy mess?

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When the presence of a person depletes you| boundaries

„Sometimes I don’t see people for who they really are“ was my friend’s answer to why some people’s presence drain  you.  She told me that sometimes she forgets, that this person is paying a lot of attention to fun and appearance. It is not just the person who listens and sometimes understands, it is also the person who could easily neglect your friendship if they’re around other people. It is not the honesty where you ARE it is the kind of honesty where you’re still pretending to BE.

That’s sometimes why you feel so depleted after spending some time with certain friends… you forgot to set the boundaries which are necessairy for this friendship because you forgot that you can’t entrust them with your honest self. You need to be careful with your heart even if you like this person and maybe sometimes feel like they is a place for depth. They are not able to hold your thoughts, at least not yet.

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Dear Heart,

don’t give into talking about things you don’t wanna talk about. You don’t need to please people who wanna be your friends. Maybe you could take a step back and revaluate this friendship and reestablish some boundaries. Maybe this is just someone you can hangout with and that’s it for now.

Why being yourself is such a struggle

I just woke up and had a thought on being authentic. Thought I might share it on this blog. When you can’t be yourself around someone or in a group of people, usually it is  because they do not want you to be yourself.

I think if you don’t want to think about how you really feel and what is really going on inside of you or you hurt someone- you do not want to be confronted with people who are real.

They remind you of your own pain and your real inner self.

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You know those people where you don’t feel like pretending and you are just you? I know, they are quite rare. I believe they make you feel accepted because they accept you. They are not scared to be confronted with real life, real feeling, their real inner self.

I know that it’s a hard thing to admit that your friend is actually not accepting who you really are. It hurts. But it hurts anyway. You feel it or you repress what you feel. You admit it or you play along this game of pretending.

And the same goes for love life- if you can not be yourself around a guy and feel like you are not good enough, just know that there is a reason why you feel that way. And realizing that you can’t  blame yourself for feeling so uncomfortable and out of place, makes me take a step back and think: If this is what this Person is like, I should be careful not to force myself to be someone else . If the price for being a part of something and not being alone is my own heart- i don’t wanna play this game.

I don’t know… It’s hard to explain… I think this has a lot to do with believing yourself and taking your heart serious. And if your heart feels uncomfortable, you believe yourself that you are not feeling this for no reason. You are not a crazy person.

If it hurts, someone hurt you. Simple as that. Sure it is possible that the reason for the wound lies in the past, but I think you can tell the difference between being triggered and feeling that something is off.

Society is promoting so much individuality yet it still wants you to be a certain image. Every Situation is different- I know. Just a little reminder for those who doubt their perception. Have you ever thought that you are crazy because someone made you feel this way?

love

Mel