When the presence of a person depletes you| boundaries

„Sometimes I don’t see people for who they really are“ was my friend’s answer to why some people’s presence drain  you.  She told me that sometimes she forgets, that this person is paying a lot of attention to fun and appearance. It is not just the person who listens and sometimes understands, it is also the person who could easily neglect your friendship if they’re around other people. It is not the honesty where you ARE it is the kind of honesty where you’re still pretending to BE.

That’s sometimes why you feel so depleted after spending some time with certain friends… you forgot to set the boundaries which are necessairy for this friendship because you forgot that you can’t entrust them with your honest self. You need to be careful with your heart even if you like this person and maybe sometimes feel like they is a place for depth. They are not able to hold your thoughts, at least not yet.

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Dear Heart,

don’t give into talking about things you don’t wanna talk about. You don’t need to please people who wanna be your friends. Maybe you could take a step back and revaluate this friendship and reestablish some boundaries. Maybe this is just someone you can hangout with and that’s it for now.

New beginnings| anxiety

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New beginnings are hard. They are just as frightening as they exite. The reason why I didn’t feel like writing or blogging this last month is because I traveled back to europe and moved to one of the biggest cities there. I was so overwhelmed these last couple of days that I felt like I would never be able to be myself again (Jour 1 was not amour numéro 1 Louanne…it was hell!!!).

Actually I do like big cities. I love the diversity, countless strangers, shops, bars, coffee shops and activities… I just feel like big cities can swallow you up and spit you out in the blink of an eye … There is anonymity but therefore individuality suffers.. there is diversity and on the other hand people are struggeling to find their place…

Do you know this feeling of constantly being pushed into doing something and being busy and you start to push and break yourself as a result…. trying to live up to the standard and expectations of other people?… This is basically the situation right now. I had no grace left for myself…. basically 24/7 stress-self-destructive-mindset.

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I feel like I need to wind down and I’m in deep need for peace right know… There is too much noise  outside, inside. On the bright side: Someone else told me to slow down. Which is rare and surprised me to say the least… and I am the proud owner of some brand new unicorn slippers (I am obsessed!).

It is strange to share my thoughts on the internet… but honestly, I do not want to write exclusively about results and solutions my heart experienced…. Sometimes I am in need to share a little more process and chaos…

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Moving without friends is a hard thing to do. It is as if the universe is unignoribly confronting you with yourself. No safety, no directions, no comforting friends… nothing but your naked soul.  That’s where I realized that I am completely and utterly lost ….

 

Maybe we are in need to feel a little lost for the rest of our lives…..

Maybe feeling secure and in control of everything is a dangerous comforting Illusion…. Bill Johnson said something like: Where there is no mystery, there is no need to trust, no need to believe…

It sounds like …being at peace with not knowing what comes next.

“I abandon my addiction for the certainty of life and my need to know everything” 

 

Hope you guys had a lovely week. Next post will probably be beauty related since I went shopping this week  hehe  -which btw explains the unicorn slippers.

Love Mel

 

Why being yourself is such a struggle

I just woke up and had a thought on being authentic. Thought I might share it on this blog. When you can’t be yourself around someone or in a group of people, usually it is  because they do not want you to be yourself.

I think if you don’t want to think about how you really feel and what is really going on inside of you or you hurt someone- you do not want to be confronted with people who are real.

They remind you of your own pain and your real inner self.

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You know those people where you don’t feel like pretending and you are just you? I know, they are quite rare. I believe they make you feel accepted because they accept you. They are not scared to be confronted with real life, real feeling, their real inner self.

I know that it’s a hard thing to admit that your friend is actually not accepting who you really are. It hurts. But it hurts anyway. You feel it or you repress what you feel. You admit it or you play along this game of pretending.

And the same goes for love life- if you can not be yourself around a guy and feel like you are not good enough, just know that there is a reason why you feel that way. And realizing that you can’t  blame yourself for feeling so uncomfortable and out of place, makes me take a step back and think: If this is what this Person is like, I should be careful not to force myself to be someone else . If the price for being a part of something and not being alone is my own heart- i don’t wanna play this game.

I don’t know… It’s hard to explain… I think this has a lot to do with believing yourself and taking your heart serious. And if your heart feels uncomfortable, you believe yourself that you are not feeling this for no reason. You are not a crazy person.

If it hurts, someone hurt you. Simple as that. Sure it is possible that the reason for the wound lies in the past, but I think you can tell the difference between being triggered and feeling that something is off.

Society is promoting so much individuality yet it still wants you to be a certain image. Every Situation is different- I know. Just a little reminder for those who doubt their perception. Have you ever thought that you are crazy because someone made you feel this way?

love

Mel

Anxiety Culture | visiting Brasil

“Remind yourself that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing”

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Brasil is a beautiful country.  There is something about traveling that makes me feel incredibly lost and hopeful at once. Everything is new and different from what you are used to. And I feel a little bit more ok with being who I am.
I feel like in Brasil a job is a job whereas in Germany a job is somehow connected to your value and social status. Sometimes I feel a bit out of place here because I am not able to meet the standard. Being different and seeing things differently is not something people are comfortable with.

 

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When I travel I feel like I am not less but equal. Like we have the same value. And the distance makes me realize how unreal and insignificant this society actually is. Everybody is lost in their own world. They judge people and things by what they know. And if they see something they don’t understand it is automatically wrong.  And I get that it is scary to get out of your comfort zone. Not having any securities. Not knowing what tomorrow brings. We want to feel save and secure  about tomorrow… But it is scary to think that someday when those securities fall apart we will see that this so called securities are nothing more than illusions that kept us busy.  Busy from thinking, busy from being alone with ourselves, busy from living. Don’t get me wrong, I do not claim that I figured it all out. I just think that it’s dangerous to assume that our securities are actually secure.

 

If someone likes our pictures, it doesn’t mean that we get approval. If we have many friends on facebook, it doesn’t mean that we actually have many friends. Looking good doesn’t mean that our heart is beautiful. All these things are not real…We all know that but somehow they are still able to influence us as tho they are. This is not about shaming social media. It is about showing that our way of thinking is not necessarily  right just because everybody around us lives the same way.

Seeing other places puts things into perspective and what matters in Germany doesn’t seem to matter here when I stare at the horizon of endless waters. When I see the ocean, nothing seems to matter anymore and for a brief moment I feel lost. I am confronted with myself. And suddenly the reality of this moment seems to be more real than the lies and pressure I am used to feel.

 

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The wise speak only of what they know – J.R.R Tolkien

Love Ifanwy

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P.S.: I stole the headline idea from somebody else…I don’t know what their article was about tho…