When the presence of a person depletes you| boundaries

„Sometimes I don’t see people for who they really are“ was my friend’s answer to why some people’s presence drain  you.  She told me that sometimes she forgets, that this person is paying a lot of attention to fun and appearance. It is not just the person who listens and sometimes understands, it is also the person who could easily neglect your friendship if they’re around other people. It is not the honesty where you ARE it is the kind of honesty where you’re still pretending to BE.

That’s sometimes why you feel so depleted after spending some time with certain friends… you forgot to set the boundaries which are necessairy for this friendship because you forgot that you can’t entrust them with your honest self. You need to be careful with your heart even if you like this person and maybe sometimes feel like they is a place for depth. They are not able to hold your thoughts, at least not yet.

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Dear Heart,

don’t give into talking about things you don’t wanna talk about. You don’t need to please people who wanna be your friends. Maybe you could take a step back and revaluate this friendship and reestablish some boundaries. Maybe this is just someone you can hangout with and that’s it for now.

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New beginnings| anxiety

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New beginnings are hard. They are just as frightening as they exite. The reason why I didn’t feel like writing or blogging this last month is because I traveled back to europe and moved to one of the biggest cities there. I was so overwhelmed these last couple of days that I felt like I would never be able to be myself again (Jour 1 was not amour numéro 1 Louanne…it was hell!!!).

Actually I do like big cities. I love the diversity, countless strangers, shops, bars, coffee shops and activities… I just feel like big cities can swallow you up and spit you out in the blink of an eye … There is anonymity but therefore individuality suffers.. there is diversity and on the other hand people are struggeling to find their place…

Do you know this feeling of constantly being pushed into doing something and being busy and you start to push and break yourself as a result…. trying to live up to the standard and expectations of other people?… This is basically the situation right now. I had no grace left for myself…. basically 24/7 stress-self-destructive-mindset.

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I feel like I need to wind down and I’m in deep need for peace right know… There is too much noise  outside, inside. On the bright side: Someone else told me to slow down. Which is rare and surprised me to say the least… and I am the proud owner of some brand new unicorn slippers (I am obsessed!).

It is strange to share my thoughts on the internet… but honestly, I do not want to write exclusively about results and solutions my heart experienced…. Sometimes I am in need to share a little more process and chaos…

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Moving without friends is a hard thing to do. It is as if the universe is unignoribly confronting you with yourself. No safety, no directions, no comforting friends… nothing but your naked soul.  That’s where I realized that I am completely and utterly lost ….

 

Maybe we are in need to feel a little lost for the rest of our lives…..

Maybe feeling secure and in control of everything is a dangerous comforting Illusion…. Bill Johnson said something like: Where there is no mystery, there is no need to trust, no need to believe…

It sounds like …being at peace with not knowing what comes next.

“I abandon my addiction for the certainty of life and my need to know everything” 

 

Hope you guys had a lovely week. Next post will probably be beauty related since I went shopping this week  hehe  -which btw explains the unicorn slippers.

Love Mel

 

Balneário Camboriú| City trips brazil

I am sitting at the airport waiting for my flight so why not share a little city post. Two weeks ago we visited Balneário Camboriú and stayed with a group of people in a school. I took a few snaps and as always I would love to share them.
I loved the city. It has a rio de janeiro vibe to it- saying that: I actually never visited Rio. Anyways, back to Camboriú.
It has many Skyscrapers, blocks, cafés, it an oceanside city like Rio and attracts many day-trippers and tourists.  I love the noise, the crowded places and endless shops covered in a cooling salty breeze. I usually avoid group events and crowds. They make me anxious but sometimes big cities also bring some anonymity and an opportunity  to observe and just receive random Impression (and photograph strangers…)

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Some saturday beach day shots

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p.s.: same thing with airports – Traveling makes me super anxious when it gets stressy, but at the same time it grabs my heart and relaxes me somehow… Apparently  it is easier for me to be real when I am on my own. No trying to please over here.

and in the spirit of traveling

peace out  ha

Mel

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Butter lipcolors for whiter teeth| astor

I am a little bit of a lip make up horder. And I don’t even use that much make up on a daily basis. I am obsessed with nude colors and if I have to be honest they are propably all the same shade.
soft_sensation_lipcolor_butter_ultra_vibrant_020_340x343One day I picked up the Astor Lipcolor Butter in the shade ‘Flirt neutral’ and I fell in lovewith it. It is a orangy coral color with a tint of wine. It is hard to describe. If I am just going for a my-lips-but-better-look, I will take a little bit of lipcolor on my finger and dab it on- works great. Overall the Lipcolors appear more glossy than matte but I always perfered nurishing lipcolors over matte lips anyways.
But when they launched the matte lipcolor butters Isoft_sensation_lipcolor_butter_matte_027_340x343 bought another one in the shade  ‘elegant nude’ A wine-ish, mauve-iah, burgundy-ish red with a tint of blue. The matte colors look as matte as a butter lipcolors can look- not that much. But again, I do not mind that. It is buildable and even if it is a perfect autumnal shade, it looks just as good on tanned summer skin.

Both colors are kind of seasonless. And I don’t know how that is but I’m telling you, they are great. Also sold pretty quickly.  I’m not quite sure about the other shades though.

Did you ever noticed that your teeth look a little bit more yellowish when you wear bright summer colors like coral and orange, especially when you’re not having a tan? The yellow tint  is apparently responsible for this .
These are two shades in the Astor lipcolor line that I absolutely adore. They both have a subtle blue tint and complement winter as well as summer skin.  I noticed that my teeth were looking whiter everytime I use them. I can’t put my finger on what’s the deal with these two lipcolors but they are priceless. Speaking of: Astor is a drugstore brand therefore the price ranges from 4 to 6 £. Sold pretty expensive on amazon. If you plan on visiting europe, you should defenitly give these a go. It is hard to get the color right on pictures but I tried.

Elegant Nude

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Flirt Neutral

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Love Mel

Beach day| new year

img_1466-2One of my new years resolutions is getting a new camera and investing more into my blog…. it especially bothers me because I love photography so much. But for know my iphone will do… Here are some seaside shots.

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xx Mel

Millenials| random thoughts

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Some thoughts on millenials. Or our generation. Generation Y. Whatever you wanna call it. I think you are part of this generation if you are between the age of 19 and 35… I actually like our generation. I think that this generation is a little bit lost somehow…. searching for something new …something different …something we’ve never seen but we somehow long for… And I think millenials struggle with this conflict between not agreeing with the concept of society we experienced growing up and this yearning for more.

Maybe this strive for self-fulfillment and this state of living inbetween everything makes everyone wonder what we actually want….

I think  we are looking for meaning. I think we feel lost. And being uncertain about everything makes us question everything we know and leaves us passiv from time to time. A generation somehow waiting to be redeemed.

The “you have to do it yourself” and “you are your own god” or the new age – approach is not the way to go… Maybe we need to be redeemed….and maybe that is not a bad thing at all…

 

 Love Mel

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Hello 2017| daring to dream again

“Sunsets are proof that endings can often be beautiful too.”*

2016 is gone. Everybody seems to say that it has gone by the blink of an eye. And I couldn’t agree more. And it feels good to know that I’m not the only one who feels like that. It was like a year of holding my breath, numbness, waiting…enduring.  Almost giving up dreams, hopes, resignation.

And the weird thing is, that I still got high hopes for 2017. I am kind of excited for 2017… The opportunities are endless.

Sometimes I wish my life would be a little more boring. A little more normal. And I wish that I could forget about the things that happened and for a moment believe that there is no darkness.

But I have come to embrace that this is my life. Sometimes I hate it and sometimes I am so thankful that god has blessed me with simply being ok with me and him and now.

I kind of get why people rather wanna live in illusions rather than facing the truth and reality. Our system comforts us and we wanna feel save even if it lacks truth and costs authenticity.

Sometimes I wish I could forget everything and also believe it. Forget who I am. But it hurts in my heart to think how cruel this way of thinking is towards myself. It basically says, that there is no truth and no hope in those dark places of my heart, my past, my feelings. And that’s not the truth. Truth is always accompanioned by peace and clearity. It is a person not knowledge. It is Jesus.
Where there is darkness, there lights shines even brighter. It is hard to believe that when past is the only reality you know. And I don’t have an answer for that. I am just starting to feel that… maybe…just maybe…everything people say about god …and how they represent him …has nothing to do with how he really is…. And maybe …just maybe all my dreams and hopes are made by this precious heart…
I really hope that 2017 is a year of change… and of wonder… a year of hope and rain after a long dry season. Not just for me ….  For you …? For anyone who feels like there is no hope left and feels like dreams are about to be shattered forever.

Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you| Psalms 139,12

Where there is no one who understands, where cheap tips, half „truths“ and stupid comments have silenced you heart and you’ve sworn yourself to never entrust your heart again to anyone… where the pain finds no words and numbness froze your feelings in time…. And where you feel like everything stopped the moment you started to believe others more than yourself… Your own heart… his small voice in your heart…

I just wanna let you know that… I get that…  A good friend is someone who is able to just sit with you and endure this period of not having any answers. Who accepts that there is nothing we can do about it but wait. Saying nothing is not easy. It means accepting that things are out of your control and we are dependent on someone who is and maybe…just maybe ….this is not a bad thing at all…

Tolkien writes…

We found ourselves looking upon a familiar sight. We were home. How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on… when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend… some hurts that go too deep… that have taken hold| J.R.R. Tolkien

Happy New Year…. to every single one of you… I never thought that I would actually enjoy writing online as much as I do right know…. I hope to invest more into blogging in 2017 and finally start a channel on youtube…. it just seems to be the scariest thing ever….but I plan on doing it…

Mel

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*Beau Taplin

Christmas Eve Healthy Baking Ideas| GF

Here is a small collection of baking ideas for christmas eve.  All recipes are gluten free and most of them vegan. Maybe for a girls baking night in or a chilled 23th december baking evening. They are more on the healthy side, celiac friendly and easy to make.

1. Christmas pudding

Starting of with the most fancy spancy recipe. You can find it on deliciouslyella. She also published her own cookbook which, by the way, is a great gift idea for anyone who is trying to incorporate healthy eating into their lifestyle.

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2. Gingerbread Men

Feasting on fruit is a great vegan food blog and has lots of simple and great recipes and instructional videos. I basically saved everything. Here you can find a gluten free and vegan gingerbread recipe for the holidays.

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3. Chocolate Almond Cake by Paul Hollywood

I think you can never go wrong with a chocolate cake on christmas eve. It is gluten free but  non vegan. You can find the recipe here. You can find his baking video here. In his video he instructs to heat your oven to 160˚C instead of 180˚C. I guess Waitrose made a mistake there. I would actually swap out the double cream for coconut milk but this would also give the genache another flavor and leave it less shiny. OR you skip forward to recipe
idea number 4- the healthy version of a creamy rich chocolate cake.

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4. Double Dark Chocolate Coconut Macaroon Tart

You can find tons of healthy cooking and baking ideas on ohsheglows. Angela also brought out here own cookbook which again is a great gift idea for healthy cuisine lovers. You can find her double dark chocolate tart recipe here.

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5. Thumbprint Cookies

Thumbprint cookies are one of my holiday faves. Last year I was literally obsessed with them. We used chocolate instead of raspberries. Either way you can choose whatever filling you feel like choosing. Here you can find the gluten free recipe version by Angela.

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Love Mel

Aït Benhaddou| roadtrips

dscn1910-2Some of you might know Aït Benhaddou. Several films have been shot there like Prince of Persia, The Mummy , Son of God, Babel, scenes from Game of Thrones and others. It is a village on the route between Marrakech and the Sahara. It is a small village, perfect example for eathern clay architecture. The village  is a great stopping point on roadtrips although I wouldn’t make it a sightseeing priority. Next stop is Merzouga… Continue reading “Aït Benhaddou| roadtrips”