“Sunsets are proof that endings can often be beautiful too.”*
2016 is gone. Everybody seems to say that it has gone by the blink of an eye. And I couldn’t agree more. And it feels good to know that I’m not the only one who feels like that. It was like a year of holding my breath, numbness, waiting…enduring. Almost giving up dreams, hopes, resignation.
And the weird thing is, that I still got high hopes for 2017. I am kind of excited for 2017… The opportunities are endless.
Sometimes I wish my life would be a little more boring. A little more normal. And I wish that I could forget about the things that happened and for a moment believe that there is no darkness.
But I have come to embrace that this is my life. Sometimes I hate it and sometimes I am so thankful that god has blessed me with simply being ok with me and him and now.
I kind of get why people rather wanna live in illusions rather than facing the truth and reality. Our system comforts us and we wanna feel save even if it lacks truth and costs authenticity.
Sometimes I wish I could forget everything and also believe it. Forget who I am. But it hurts in my heart to think how cruel this way of thinking is towards myself. It basically says, that there is no truth and no hope in those dark places of my heart, my past, my feelings. And that’s not the truth. Truth is always accompanioned by peace and clearity. It is a person not knowledge. It is Jesus.
Where there is darkness, there lights shines even brighter. It is hard to believe that when past is the only reality you know. And I don’t have an answer for that. I am just starting to feel that… maybe…just maybe…everything people say about god …and how they represent him …has nothing to do with how he really is…. And maybe …just maybe all my dreams and hopes are made by this precious heart…
I really hope that 2017 is a year of change… and of wonder… a year of hope and rain after a long dry season. Not just for me …. For you …? For anyone who feels like there is no hope left and feels like dreams are about to be shattered forever.
Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you| Psalms 139,12
Where there is no one who understands, where cheap tips, half „truths“ and stupid comments have silenced you heart and you’ve sworn yourself to never entrust your heart again to anyone… where the pain finds no words and numbness froze your feelings in time…. And where you feel like everything stopped the moment you started to believe others more than yourself… Your own heart… his small voice in your heart…
I just wanna let you know that… I get that… A good friend is someone who is able to just sit with you and endure this period of not having any answers. Who accepts that there is nothing we can do about it but wait. Saying nothing is not easy. It means accepting that things are out of your control and we are dependent on someone who is and maybe…just maybe ….this is not a bad thing at all…
We found ourselves looking upon a familiar sight. We were home. How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on… when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend… some hurts that go too deep… that have taken hold| J.R.R. Tolkien
Happy New Year…. to every single one of you… I never thought that I would actually enjoy writing online as much as I do right know…. I hope to invest more into blogging in 2017 and finally start a channel on youtube…. it just seems to be the scariest thing ever….but I plan on doing it…