I am thinking about posting this for quite some time now but I guess I could not find the right words to express my thoughts.
People who are real with themselves, like really honest- they kind of expose my hidden motives. But it’s a good kind of exposure. An exposure that sets you free, reminds you of who you are and who you are forcing yourself to be.
It is almost as if your soul is taking a deep breath because you finally stop breaking yourself.
I often find myself trying to present an image of myself, that others would like. That was one of the reasons why I deleted my facebook account and later on my instagram. I was constantly checking my likes and comments to get some validation from it.
(I wonder how many people who refuse to use social media are actually left…)
When I started to think about blogging or starting something online, I thought I would have to get rid of my flaws or hide them… be happy or at least create an image that is perfect, acting as if I am not me just to get a following. I know it is kind of embarrassing to admit…but you know..humans…
The more I am trying to be this image, the more I distance myself from my own heart…
I was actually following people on Instagram so that they would follow me back and stuff. You do not really talk about the things you do in order to get attention and approval, do you. You kind of just do them. You know, leaving comments so that others comment on your blog posts but you are actually not that interested in what they share.That is not a nice thing to do…( I already did it)
It is kind of scary to find myself doing it over and over again…but is alright… I think it’s important to accept your insecurities and try to understand your heart as you would try to understand a friend… It is what it is and you can respect yourself and believe that there is a reason for everything… being a friend to your own heart and soul.
Also, it is quite amusing to admit things like this just to get it off your chest and I am sure you will be surprised how many people are actually doing the same thing. Maybe we all do this in some sort of way…. because we think how we really are is not interesting, not pretty enough…not good enough…
If I have a message or a thought or a picture that I want to share why is it so important how many people actually like it…. Or why do people try to write catchy songs, hits… Instead of just writing what is on their heart… This kind of stuff.
Why do we change the content of what we share because more people would like it, even if it means that what we do is no longer a product or representation of who we are… Why do I make a difference between 2 people and 200 people…. as if 2 people are not that important….
Why is a number connected to value…? Isn’t that crazy ?
Just some random thoughts.