emotional numbness is a part of healing

Hey guys,

I actually dont know who is still stopping by to check my blogposts but I haven’t posted something during this summer. Writing stuff basically requires you to think. And thinking means falling. Falling into thoughts, falling into feelings…falling into exploring your mind. And that was not something I was ready for this summer.
I briefly read a few thoughts from an article about emotional numbness, where the author described numbness as a part of a healing process and this thought eased my mind.

I always considered feeling nothing and being numb to be the worst that could ever happen to someone. So I never really tried to let these emotions of feeling nothing BE what they are. I didn’t appreciate them so i denied that numbness was something that was actually present right now and right here at this moment.
Wounds leave scars and scar-tissue is not something that is sensitive to warm, cold, a touch or water.  And that made me think.

This is kind of new to me… considering numbness to be a part of a healing process and not something where you are stuck in this nirvana of nothingness. Accepting even numbness and facing it as a part of who you are, means coming closer to the essence of your being and making peace with what is and what is not…. i guess.

I missed writing. I missed it so much.

This is nothing to special but it is a small step in the direction of what feels familiar to me.

Hugs XX



gluten free spring peach tartes| vegan

I am proud to say that this was the best gluten free cake I ever made. Learning to bake gluten free takes some practice but it can be just as delish as common pastry.  And even though spring arrived baking season doesn’t have to be over.  The Secret for a delicious crust is to generously grease the tins. It keeps the crust hard while the inside stays moist and soft.



Preheat the oven to 180°C/350°F/GM4.

In a bowl, cream together the eggs and sugar until light and fluffy. Mix in the butter, then add the flours, baking powder and a small splash of milk to form a smooth batter.

Divide between two tins and start layering the cutted peaches on top. Letting them sink into the mixture provides extra moisture and lightness to the cake. Bake for about 15 minutes before lightly coating them with a tbsp of butter and putting them back in the oven for another  10-15 minutes.


Ingredients for 2 small tartes:

– 3 eggs (vegan: 1 tbsp psylium and 2 tbsp soaked ground flaxseed)

  • 160 g sugar
  • 200 g soy butter (room temperature)
  • 100 ml soy milk
  • 1  cup rice flour
  • 3/4 cup manioca flour (or GF oat flour)
  • 1/4 cup corn starch
  • 2 tbsp baking powder
  • 5 apricots
  • soy butter to grease tins and cake


You can always opt for any other vegan or normal butter. Just make sure it is not rock solid when you start your baking.

If you bought gluten free flour mix, there is no need to add psylium, corn starch rice flour or manioca flour.

pinks and peaches| spring fashion


Can you believe it? We are already in the midst of spring and everything is blossoming in bright and pastel colors. I love spring. If hope would have a scent it would smell like sunny fresh spring evenings. I have a lot of things on my mind lately and that’s the reason why I feel like keeping it short and sweet. Just a little ootd post. By the way: Can we please take a moment to appreciate T.J. Maxx for a sec? Fashion is always developing and reinventing itself. There are endless shops out there, offering more or less the same ideas of fashion trend implementation and then there is T.J.Maxx. It is not the shop to stock up on basics. It’s where you go to find gem stones. They offer pieces I haven’t seen anywhere else. Fashion trends with an individual twist to them.  They are not on display, you have to find them between 80% of items you would never consider wearing. That’s where you find pink cord dungarees for 14 £.




Dungarees: TJ Max Top: from Brasil  Bracelet: H&M

Wish you guys a lovely weekend

xx Mel


Benefit porefessional primer dupe| KIKO skin trainer CC blur

Since I had a little shopping “problem” ( to say the least), I payed a visit to our local KIKO store only to walk out with some make up in my bag and a guilty feeling conscience a few minutes later. But yolo right .. lol.

The primer I bought convinced me immediately because my pores basically disappeared when I swatched it on the back of my hand.

I have used it a couple of times and I am loving it so far. I always thought primers wouldn’t make that much of a difference in how your makeup looks and lasts, but it does make a difference!

It does half of foundation’s job by evening out texture and color correcting- that’s of course if you use a good primer.

Kiko’s skin trainer CC blur is one of those good primers you should invest in. Benefit porefessional is hyped for a reason but the price tag makes me hesitate (it’s about 35 bucks for 22 ml).

The skin trainer costs about 24 $. It is not drugstore pricing but I guess a primer is where you want to invest.
Especially when you’re struggeling with caky makeup, redness or blemishes like I do. It really  does help! And it doesn’t irritate my slightly visible perioral dermatitis, so that’s always a plus. You don’t need to use a lot of foundation and therefore your makeup looks more natural, more skin-like.

I tried to capture it’s effects in a swatch but the photography doesn’t show it as well. If you take a close look you can see that the left side is a  bit more blured out.


But you can go to your local kiko store and grab a tester and see for yourself. Do you guys have primer secrets? I would love to know.

xx Love Mel


Being all in | midnight pondering poetry

You wanna get to know me? Show me all of who you are and then some more. Unveil your fears and joys, Let them loose…falling into arms that are willing to hold and discover your soul.

Let your mind unfold before my eyes, show me that this is what you want. No holding back.
This is what safety feels like. Seeing you letting yourself fall into this. Into love.
This is what it takes to dig deep into a persons soul and mind.

We never started|

Jemwisper’s compilation of movie scenes and cutouts .   I think this is heart- gripping art…  telling a story … making people cry… hope…feel! This particular edit is called ‘we never started’ …  Thought I might share it with you guys.


It is what it is| poetry picks

Just had some thoughts on love these past couple of days…. That maybe sometimes we need to let go the idea of how it should have happened and how it is supposed to be and just let it be what it is…

This would mean to aknowledge and believe that everything happens for a reason…and that everything is okay… right now …right here…  between loosing myself and loosing what I love …  I don’t know what to do … Truth is, nobody knows you like you know yourself. No one knows if you are at peace or about to compromise..  The hardest thing is to see everything as it is… all cards on the table dear self. And if confusion is everything there is for now, than let it be  confusion … and wait. Wait and see.

No rushing into compromises….And no letting go… Giving it time to unfold into whatever it’s supposed to become…mh …


I thought I might share a poem from one of my favourite poets Erich Fried…. The way he writes about love just gets to you…well at least it gets to me.

Although I can’t find a translation of my favourite poem, I thought about including this one…


What it is

It is nonsense
says reason
It is what it is
says love

It is calamity
says calculation
It is nothing but pain
says fear
It is hopeless
says insight
It is what it is
says love

It is ludicrous
says pride
It is foolish
says caution
It is impossible
says experience
It is what it is
says love


March music| song favourites

Can someone please explain why music is able to tackle your heart and feelings in the blink of an eye and grab your soul with a simple melody that reminds you of who you are and what you really do believe in…. Well I can’t. But that’s how I feel about what music does…what art does to people… about a picture…about songs.

Where explaining is not needed and you just get it… or you don’t ….


To be honest I don’t mean to sound like a grandma but I rarely feel anything when I listen to todays’s music…. Often words are meaningless and empty…. But then again, maybe there will always be just a few who master the art of taking your heart right back to it’s real self… or brush your soul with a simple truth that sets you free….

The art of being an honest raw soul who is willing to face all the hate just to make someone else feel less alone. That sounds quite cheesy …I know… I am a romantic at heart…. Artist will understand

Anyways this is the song I am currently listening to on repeat. It’s an acoustic version of xx’s song ‘intro’ by city of the sun.


P.S. The featured image is from pixabay–  unfortunately I don’t have any cool headphone shots on my macbook. thanks for reading.  I hope you’ll have a lovely weekend.

xx Mel



What matters | some lovely thoughts on self-promotion

“It is the bridegroom who marries the bride, and the bridegroom’s friend is simply glad to stand with him and hear his vows. Therefore, I am filled with joy at his success. He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less”. John 3:29-30 As Christians, we often spiritualize the idea of self-promotion. […]